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APRIL 1ST, 2025

$4.20

THE BRUTALIST TIMES

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO BREAK

DESIGNERS IN UPROAR AS SHADOWS TAKE OVER

Minimalism Crumbles Under the Weight of Bold Chaos

By Jane Pixelton

Article illustration
In a shocking twist, designers everywhere are losing their cool as shadows grow bolder and more unruly. "It's like the shadows have a mind of their own," says a bewildered UI expert. "They're out of control, and we love it!" The design world is in chaos, and the minimalists are crying in Helvetica. Local agencies are scrambling to keep up as shadow-offset values skyrocket, with some reporting shadow spreads of up to 50 pixels. "It's a beautiful mess," says Maria Vector, a senior designer at Pixel Perfect Studios. "Our drop shadows are dropping jaws."

TODAY'S WEATHER

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PERFECT FOR CODING

TRENDING NOW

#BrutalismTakeover
#ShadowGate2024
#CSSGoneWild
#DesignerMeltdown
#BorderRadiusRevolution

Grid Systems Declared Ancient

Chaos reigns supreme as designers ditch the grid for good

Serif Fonts Party Like It's 1999

Times New Roman and Helvetica spotted at the wildest bash of the year

Dev Adds 5th Border, Laughs in CSS

"Four borders? That's for amateurs," boasts a daring developer

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DESIGN POLICE REPORT

Developer Uses Default Browser Styles, Claims "It's Minimalist" 🚨

APRIL 1ST, 2025

$4.20

THE BRUTALIST TIMES

TECH REVIEWS & TOOLS EDITION

VS CODE GETS TOO SMART, STARTS JUDGING YOUR CODE

5/5 Sassy Semicolons

AI Assistant Now Rolling Eyes at Bad Variable Names

By Max Terminal

In a shocking development, Visual Studio Code's latest update has crossed a line that many developers never thought possible. The IDE is now not just suggesting improvements but actively judging your coding style with teenage-level sass. "It started with passive-aggressive squiggly lines," reports lead developer Sarah Binary. "But now it's leaving comments like 'ugh, another for loop?' and 'did you really name that variable 'data'? So basic.'" Microsoft claims this is a feature, not a bug, stating that "Sometimes developers need tough love."

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Article illustration

TOOL REVIEWS

Git Blame Deflector

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APRIL 1ST, 2025

$4.20

THE BRUTALIST TIMES

SPILLING THE HOT TEA ON TECH ☕ī¸

By Gossip Git

LITERALLY JUST NOW

EXPOSED: The Secret Lives of Silicon Valley's Most Eligible Tech Leads

You Won't Believe What They Do in Their Private Git Repos! 😱

In a SHOCKING turn of events, we've uncovered the absolutely scandalous coding habits of Silicon Valley's most talked-about tech leads. Get ready for the tea, bestie, because this ☕ī¸ is SCALDING! SPOTTED: Senior dev Jessica "The Refactor Queen" Martinez was caught using light mode in VS Code at 3 AM! "I just couldn't take dark mode anymore," she confessed to our sources. "Sometimes you just need that early 2000s coding aesthetic." We. Can't. Even. 😱 But that's not all! Sources close to the situation (aka the Git blame history) reveal that top architect Brad "The Merge Master" Thompson has been secretly writing documentation. YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT! The same person who once said "good code documents itself" was seen adding detailed comments and updating the README. The BETRAYAL!
TechTeaCodeGossipSiliconValleySecretsThisIsSoEmbarrassing
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APRIL 1ST, 2025

$4.20

THE BRUTALIST TIMES

SPILLING THE HOT TEA ON TECH ☕ī¸

By Type Gossip

FRESH OFF THE PRESS

DESIGN TWITTER IN CHAOS: Helvetica Spotted at Comic Sans Convention

Font Community Demands Answers as Typography Drama Unfolds 🎭

Feature illustration
FontGate2024HelveticaExposedComicSansRevengeTypographyDrama
In what can only be described as the typography scandal of the century, respected sans-serif Helvetica was caught attending an underground Comic Sans appreciation event. The design community is literally shaking right now. "I was just there for research purposes," claims Helvetica through a spokesperson, but multiple witnesses report seeing the font actively participating in casual Friday activities.
Meanwhile, Arial has refused to comment on the situation, maintaining its usual stance of looking suspiciously similar to Helvetica while avoiding controversy. Times New Roman, the elder statesman of fonts, simply responded "How distasteful" when reached for comment. Design Twitter has erupted into chaos, with some calling for a complete reevaluation of font hierarchy. "If Helvetica can embrace Comic Sans, what's next? Papyrus in corporate branding?" tweeted one concerned designer.
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Chart Goes Here

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Recent Updates

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